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09/11/2011 / butterflyexperience

End of the Road as a SAHM?

I am increasingly having bad days as a SAHM.

I am shouty, have no patience and try and hide away from the children.

How sad is that?

Today we had a home day where we painted, baked cakes & decorated and sang songs. You would think that this would be enough to entertain the children, but nnooooo.

At every given opportunity my back is turned thy have climbed the tables, counters, window sills and pulled apart draws and what ever else they can get their hands on.

I’m exhausted at shouting at them and at punishing them.

I just want to be left alone.

I’m even toying with the idea if packing them both off to full time nursery so I don’t have to deal with patenting them all the time.

Am I awful?

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17 Comments

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  1. fiddlerintheloft / Nov 9 2011 7:18 pm

    It is so tough being at home full-time, I think it’s completely normal to feel like that a lot of the time! I’ve come to realise I’m not up to the job (work part-time, mostly from home). Could you perhaps try a part-time nursery option just so you have a break from trouble-shooting and some time to collect your thoughts?

  2. dillytante / Nov 9 2011 7:32 pm

    We all have days like that, so don’t feel bad. Any chance you could have a day off?

  3. Average Jo / Nov 9 2011 9:11 pm

    Aww, sound’s pretty normal some day’s with such young children, i alway’s find the 18 month to 5 year’s the toughest and most demanding (i appreciate not everyone does, but i do).
    Summer has just started nursery 2 day’s a week and its a godsend for me and her, before then i’d book her in to a local creche one morning a week as and when i just needed a bit of a break or more usually just to get something else achieved.
    Being a Mum is just exhausting sometimes though, take care and plot a little you time if your able xxx

  4. mum of all trades / Nov 9 2011 10:27 pm

    No you are not awful! I am exactly the same some days. We cant be all singing, all dancing all the time

  5. quarkee / Nov 9 2011 10:34 pm

    Not awful, just normal. Can you have a couple of days off to give you time to regroup? Or get some nursery time to give you balance. I’m shouty when tired or stressed and so am reading ‘The Manic Mums guide to magnificent parenting’ and it’s good. Have a peek.

  6. Jules / Nov 10 2011 1:04 am

    Hmm I can’t say I’ve ever had any experience in this at all… but your reaction sounds completely normal to me! It’s also good that you’re letting your feelings out, however awful you think they might sound, I’m sure lots of others go through the same thing.

    Being a SAHM is the same as any other job – there are good days and there are bad days. There are times when I also want to run away and hide out the rest of the working day (/week / month?!). πŸ˜‰

  7. charlieedmunds / Nov 10 2011 10:49 am

    Send them to nursery part-time. They might even like it.

  8. Tracie / Nov 10 2011 11:22 am

    I know how you feel.

    Try to just accept the bad shouty days as blips on an otherwise smooth path… that’s what I try to do anyway.

    I’m a sahm too, I’ve been blogging about it too and even writing it down helps! It must be the modern equivalent of going to a different room and counting to 10 like my mum said she did.

  9. MmeLindor / Nov 10 2011 12:25 pm

    Not at all awful – Ours started kindergarten when they were 3 years old and I could not WAIT to get them out of the house. I loved having more free time.

    So completely normal, don’t worry about it. And if it would give you a break, put them in nursery for a day or two.

  10. Butterflyexperience / Nov 10 2011 5:13 pm

    Thank you all for your empathetic comments, really does help πŸ™‚
    Much of the time I feel all alone in this parenting game and often think I’m getting it all wrong whilst everyone else is the perfect parent and has perfect children.
    Going on all your comments I guess it’s normal not to live being a Sahm every single minute of every day.
    Going forward after Christmas I’m going to place my eldest in one more preschool day she currently does her free 15 hours. And the little one I may consider placing her in nursery for 2 mornings a week.
    For home days I think I pretty much need to keep them both occupied with planned activites and get in a walk or trip to the park.
    All common sense stuff that I needed to reestablish in our life.
    Thank you again for all the advice and letting me moan
    X

  11. Alicia J Duffy (@AliciaJDuffy) / Nov 10 2011 6:48 pm

    I found it easier if we had a (I know, sounds rubbish) routine. Not a massively strict “timing every poo to the nearest second” one, just eg: Monday am – playgroup, pm – baking, Tuesday all day – day out, Wednesday – kids at grandmas, Thursday am – TV/lazing about, pm – see a friend, Friday – big craft thing, etc
    Then I put them in nursery and put my feet up πŸ˜€

    Seriously though, part time nursery isn’t bad – I found that my two really benefited, and it is only a few hours. Having the break meant that we all found it easier to be more friendly and well behaved.

    Then of course there is my all purpose solution to child based woe – put them outside. I try (not that we always manage it, mind) to get the kids out of the house if tempers are fraying. Either for an invented shopping errand, trip to the park, general wander around or whatever. I found that printing off a worksheet from nature detectives kept DD1 happy to go out.

  12. Alicia J Duffy (@AliciaJDuffy) / Nov 10 2011 6:50 pm

    Or, once they got past 18m, I will admit to putting wellies/warm clothes on them, and chucking them into the garden while I stood at the door with a brew. Add an umbrella if it is raining. They love it.

  13. Leslie / Dec 4 2011 6:15 am

    I know how you feel! I’ve had plenty of days like that where I just want to pull my hair out. Don’t give up! Engage, connect, push in and deeper. This journey of parenting is more about figuring out who we are and giving that as a gift to our children. When we’re losing it, feeling bored, angry, look inside myself – what’s going on inside of me? What is it that’s triggering that in me? I’ve discovered so much just by doing that. These days with small children will all be over before we know it, don’t miss a moment. This is what I do when I find myself “checking out” ~ http://realchilddevelopment.com/inspiration/how-to-enjoy-this-day
    ((((hugs))))))

  14. "M" is for Marriage and Motherhood... And for Me / Dec 19 2011 4:12 am

    Thank you for writing this post because by reading what you have wirtten and all the encouraging comments I realize that I am not awful. I’ve had some days like where I just want to be alone and not having to worry about anybody else (doesn’t it sound horrible?)

    • butterflyexperience / Dec 19 2011 7:29 am

      Hi, no you are not horrible just a normal person who has their own needs too. I’m off to read your blog to get a better idea of your situation before I offer any advice x

    • butterflyexperience / Dec 19 2011 7:31 am

      Oh can’t find your blog. Can you post your URL please? Thanks x

      • "M" is for Marriage and Motherhood... And for Me / Dec 19 2011 8:09 pm

        Hi there, thank you very much for your reply. My URL is misformarriageandmotherhood.wordpress.com I am kind of a new blogger. Thanks again.

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