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04/01/2012 / butterflyexperience

The Fear Returns

There are so many things in life I want to achieve that most of the time I have no idea where to begin.

The anxiety overwhelms me and I become frozen and frustrated, leading to my self confidence to drop to zilch.

I want to live everyday to the fullest and see all my dreams come to light.

But how can I when everyday life restricts me.

There are household jobs to be done, children to be taken care of, a marriage to be invested in, everyday relationships to be upheld and valued.

And of course the biggest constraint of all bring that my money tree is not bearing enough fruit…

I want to be 17 again, with the hope and idealism in my heart steering me forward into an unknown adventure.

I need adventure.

It strives me to try out new things.

So what should my next adventure be?
Taking my jewellery forward, being adventitious with designs and business models.

Running a marathon


All pretty easy when your single and have a bountiful money tree.

And then I am brought back to reality when I remember my beautiful children need a stabile life and a mother to love them and give them all they need.



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  1. "M" is for Marriage and Motherhood... And for Me / Jan 5 2012 12:45 am

    You are totally right, despite of the frustration we, moms, might sometimes feel for not been able to fulfill other dreamsm (at the moment), it is so important for us, mothers and, especially, for our kids, to be there for them for when they need us.

  2. Average Jo / Jan 5 2012 10:38 pm

    I feel conflict between all the ambitions i have and the needs of my children too, i think i worry so much about never fullfilling mine because Paige and Owen (with them being disabled) will both need fulltime care from me for the rest of their lives…and in turn mine. I sometimes feel a bit sorry for myself BUT as your title suggests it’s just fear really that often thankfully disapates on good days 🙂

    You are already achieving so much though, you should feel so proud, your being both a wonderful Mum and setting yourself up in business, i really think you are an inspiration.

    I know what it’s like to have itchy feet for the next adventure though 🙂 i am trying soooo hard to be content this year lol.

    It was so nice to read this post and feel i’m not the only one that feels the way i do 🙂 oh but your running posts make me feel soooo lazy lol even if i do admire that too.

  3. Beccy / Jan 8 2012 10:22 pm

    All these comments are so true and the part of being a Mum I have found the hardest is dealing with the guilt that comes with it. Guilt when I leave them with family for the short time I do when I work, guilt when I go for a run even though most the time I train when they are at school or asleep etc etc. There is always something as a Mum you are feeling guilty about or just not good enough. Although my kids will ALWAYS come first I am a strong believer in that if your happy then your kids will also be. I do push myself to achieve crazy things as its just who I am. Its stressful fitting it in sometimes but I get the kids involved in my little adventures as much as possible and hope they will have happy memories from them in the future. Its so true what you say about fear as we can find excuses to stop us doing things we are scared of but once you have found something you REALLY want to achieve I believe anythings possible. I always think, whats the worst that could happen??? I could fail. I have failed at loads and loads of my goals but learnt from all of them. Will be following your blog 🙂 x

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